Leaving
by WhiteNoise 266
Summary: For months on months on months I fought you and you laughed at me. I loved you and you were disgusted by me. I hated you and you fucked me. And then, one day, you simply left.


**Um.**

**...**

**I'm sorry. -hangs head- I was so busy with school and my computer had to be repaired and then other stuff came up and it's really all a jumbled up mess but that's life. Anyways, this was just something I wrote up when i was listening to Never Going To Leave This Bed by Maroon 5. Recommend you listen to it while reading.**

**Oh, and I am in the final stages of finishing the next chapter for OSAAT but I'm not sure when I will be able to update. This one shot is also really because I haven't put naything up in awhile. **

**Enjoy.**

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Sometimes I'm scared that you'll leave me again.

Late at night, when there's no moon out and the room is as murky as the moment darkness was made.

I can't feel you next to me and I panic and hope to God you're not gone.

And then I find you with my outstretched hands, next to me, sound asleep.

I feel so stupid but also drowned with relief and anxiousness because that doesn't mean that you won't leave tomorrow.

I am so weak because of you. I know I can't possible live without you but at the same time I hate you for doing this to me; for making me become into one of those people that depends solely on another being and if that person were to leave they would crumble and shatter and break into a million pieces.

Do you have any idea how fragile and disgusted I feel?

That _you_ could possible do this to me. I never needed you before. I really, truly, honestly hated you when we first met.

With all your conceitedness and pride and force.

I couldn't stand you. I hated the way you would demolish everything around you, uncaring of even those who worshipped you. I hated how you had absolutely no concern for anything or anyone, you would kill anything in your path; be it friend or foe. I mean, you tried to kill me! My friends!

But then I fell in love with you.

Somehow, along the way, I saw your loneliness and honor and vigor and I couldn't help but wonder what happened to that beast back when we first fought?

What happened to the more animal than man being that laughed at the sight of blood and found weakness a pathetic excuse to not battle?

I found you, under layers and layers of well constructed walls and I fell for you so fast I don't think I realized it until you kissed me under the hollow moon of Hueco Mundo; both of us drenched in each others blood and sweat from battles with no meaning to them anymore .

But you didn't feel love, you felt lust. Savage, cruel lust that I knew wasn't love but I took it anyways because that's what love isn't it? Pain and grief and bits of happiness mixed together.

For months on months on months I fought you and you laughed at me. I loved you and you were disgusted by me. I hated you and you fucked me.

And then, one day, you simply left.

Disappeared.

And I died. I shattered just like I knew I would. The hurt was so overwhelming. I don't think I realized how much I really loved you until you left without a word or a note or even an apology.

The days of dead-end sorrow followed. I grew tired. I slept more often. I stopped eating. I stopped hunting Hollows and left it to the other Soul Reapers. I talked little to nothing and I always seemed to destroy something when I was especially down.

I loathed you and adored you and needed you so bad and you just fucking vanished.

And then suddenly, one day, you're just there. The window is open, you're in my room, all glaring grins and black hole still in the center of your abdomen but your eyes look tired and old and lost.

When you come back you're not who I remember you being. You're softer, sweeter, less animal and more man.

When I ask you what happened you refuse to answer and only tell me that you had some things to work.

I'm ashamed to say that I did cry when I first laid eyes on you after nine months because the truth is I was trying to get over you.

I wanted the hurt to leave. I was disgusted by myself that an Espada like you could turn me into a pathetic, whiny, self-centered prick.

You completely spoiled me. I couldn't go forward anymore. I couldn't see anything.

So when you come back as if nothing happened I scream at you and throw things and tell you to get the hell out because it's not _fair._

You think you can just come back and everything will be okay? That I would welcome you with a smile and open arms and kiss you for making me wait so long?

_Who the fuck do you think you are?_

Now, I can look back and not cry but it still hurts.

I can bring up the memories of you leaving me and coming back and acting like it was no big deal.

Yes, now I can. It still hurts though. It will always hurt. But I've forgiven you and you're not such a prick about it anymore.

It took you a whole fucking week to get it through your stupid thick head that I was physically in _pain_ when you left.

You've made it up to me. Over and over again by just _staying._

But its nights like these when the doubt starts eating at me.

Why would you stay?

You are an Espada. My enemy.

You have never told me you love me while I have said it to you so many times it's like a mantra to me.

Do you think I don't notice? The way your eyes tighten when I say I love you?

"Ichigo…"

"Grimmjow! I thought you were asleep…"

"I was."

"Oh."

"Get back in bed, stupid."

"I…can't sleep."

You're smiling at me. It's soft. Nothing wild about it and I find it strange that you could be soft.

"Come here."

I slip back into bed. Your arms wrap around me and my heart stutters, as it always does when you touch me.

"I'm sorry."

I look at you, in surprise. "For what?"

Your eyes tighten, like when I tell you I love you.

"For leaving. For you falling in love with me. For making you hurt."

"Grimmjow…"

"I love you."

"W-What?" I gasp out, unable to believe that those words I'd so long ago given up on are coming out of your lips.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I know you think I don't because I never say it but it seems you're stupider than you look."

I'm still gaping like a fish when I realize that you've just insulted me.

"I am not!"

"Yeah you are. If you weren't so stupid you would have realized that I…need you, without having to tell you."

"…I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven."

"Shut up."

You laugh and I want to cry.

"You're such…a jerk."

"I know."

"I hate you."

"I know."

"I wish you hadn't come back."

"I know."

"Stop saying I know!"

"Okay."

I huff. You smile. And my irritation melts because I'm still not used to seeing you smile.

"I love you too, you jerk."

"I know."

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**Review? Yah? Please...**


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